Did you know that there is a quiet truth many of us live with that often goes unnoticed? This quiet truth is the mysteries we hide behind like the walls we construct around our hearts, the masks we wear hoping not to be noticed by others and even preventing us from seeing who we truly are.
Why is this and why for heaven’s sake do we do this? Could it be fear of being vulnerable? Or, could it be fear of being judged or even judging ourselves? Or, could it be fear of rejection? All are possibilities. However, somewhere along the way, we learned that showing up as our authentic selves can be dangerous, costly and opens us up to being hurt.
So, we continue to hide behind walls, masks and roles pretending to be fine and hearing ourselves say, “I’ve got this,” even when we know it is not true. And, the consequence of this pretense is the distance we create between others and even our own authentic selves.
The paradox in living this pretense is what motivational guru Tony Robbins identified as six basic human needs that we all have (tonyrobbins.com).
They are:
1. Certainty: the assurance that you can avoid pain and gain pleasure
2. Uncertainty/Variety: the need for the unknown or new stimuli
3. Significance: feeling important, special, or needed
4. Connection/Love: a strong feeling of belonging, a closeness or union with someone or something
5. Growth: an expansion of capacity, capability or understanding
6. Contribution: a sense of service focusing on helping, giving to, and supporting others
The basic needs we all long for—connection, meaning, understanding, love—can only be found when we take down our walls and remove our masks. Then and only then will we allow ourselves to show up authentically seen.
No, we are not always going to show up perfectly, not always show up as strong, but at least we will show up real. In the movie The Greatest Showman, Keala Settle plays the role of a bearded lady and sings THIS IS ME as she fearlessly enters the crowd. A pivotal courageous moment in her life of growth and self-love.
As the walls come down and the masks are removed, the quiet mystery of life begins to dissolve and a whole new world of connection is revealed.
So, the question now is what wall will we begin to take down and which mask will we remove first?Josette Veltri, a Boca Pointe resident, is a certified educator and coach on loss and transition. Her purpose, to assist clients heal and move forward so they can go from I Can’t to I Can, One Step at a Time. She can be reached at [email protected]. (https://www.linkedin.com/in/josettejveltri/)
